working thru

Finding myself really inspired tonight. I am watching BJ's clips reel that he has set up as an intro for his college application. The idea that he is one of many very talented people whom I know and am friends with. In contrast, I sometimes think that I haven't any talent, or at least in the same way. I am producing a film that requires the contribution of many talented people all working along with me. That knowledge frightens me from time to time. I wonder how I can pull it off. Also, wonder why anyone would work with me on something so big of a plan. Well, luckily so many have before, or else I wouldn't have dreamed up the idea in the first place I suppose. But, it takes a few of these evenings of humility and reflection about the past and future to remind me of the need to have some gusto in the long and hard-work process. What else can I do. I may end up losing a lot of money and time following a specific urge to go beyond what I have ever done before. I may end up with a 9-5 just to make ends meet as my share of the family input, or tending to the home for lack of the former. I do know, that I am not nor have been satisfied with either thus far. So, determination and a little creativity and many long hours of work stand before me to see what it will be. Hopefully I wont fuck it up. Too many times been rebuilding character and momentum. Got to get it right some of the times. As Shane said, out of every 10 things he does, nine go wrong, but the one that does go right seems worth it. Just paraphrasing, not sure the exact words, but the point has gotten out. Lots of friends to inspire. Just got to appreciate. I suppose the return exchange is there. What a lucky guy. The reflection helps. Adds to the believability that it is not bullshit and that it is the most human experience that I can get. Not as cut and dry as I might have imagined it all, but experience has taught me one thing. no right or wrong, just perspective and distance from the actual thing. Nice to know that many are trying. Not all have gotten it right all the time, but still trying. Thanx BJ.

editing away

Here I am up all night editing. What's new. I am discovering a lot about what ai do and how I do it and what I am like and what I like and dislike. I am putting together a promotional DVD of some of the highlights in my video making. Some of the footage I filmed, some edited, others still produced and directed. When it is all put together there is a bit of a hodge-podge. I would like to have a body of work that is unified. I can see my strongpoints and weak points. Most of all my critique is my greatest strength. I can do things so well in my head or imagine them dine perfect, but in geetting to it, there is a loneliness attached to the actual act of creating. I had to get here though to be ready for it. It never was really actualized until I had to do it. Hten came the fear and resistance to making the video. But then when it had to get done, I am here doing it. I am sacrificing time and comfort for the best quality that I can muster. I am tired, but still have lots to do.

Third day late at work

Tonight I'm looking at light kits to buy or rent. The prices are high. Editing in Avid to create a promotional video to get a job. Writing to Davor about filming his video. A little high a little tired. Next in line is to speak with the writer about his script and optioning that to produce. Need to write a proposal for thesis. Ask Anne-Sophie to do some of the ideas that I have to do, hopefully on Friday if I can change the day to go to great America. Next, I want to look at microphone and camera mounted lights and dollies. I need to make several promotional materials to pass out to the family that is coming here on Monday to perhaps hire me for a wedding. That is what I am editing. I am trying to make a highlights video to pass to clients. I should get a shotgun mic that is stereo with a panning or rotateable focus that goes from stereo to unidirectional. I am taking a class in school and another one and seeing the difference of where I sit in each class. I should watch Frankenstein and roman Polanski films to prepare for my papers due and class next week. Editing at this stage os more like converting video and downloading where the computer does all the work while I wait. I got too busy last night to finish this, so I'll just post it and begin anew when the time comes.

First dAY OF BLOG

Well, first day and already some goofiness. I just thought that I clicked on post the last time, but unfortunately left clicked or right clicked when I should have right clicked or left clicked or something. Anyways, erased... gone from the anal of history. But this blog is the first for me and the first day of the first must entail a bit of an explanation. I am in the middle and end and beginning of several proijects that just need a little cooridination and writing. I need to keep track of things that happen amongst the day and week and minute of the productions and life situations that I find. It will help for future memories and lists in the future and writing that bigger still project to come... the thesis. Just got to get going and post all of my findinings and progress on a daily basis so that I can come up with something larger and concrete when I need to. Add a little each day and the whole gets bigger and bigger. good thing that I can type faster now. This new keyboard really helps. First day. See you next time.